– Where Basketball never stops

Agent Orange: I Am Not Transitioning To Lady Orange

Agent Orange

Well, it’s been a while between Agent Orange columns; thank you to all who wrote in concerned about my wellbeing. Despite what the media has reported I am not transitioning to Lady Orange, nor did I travel to Syria to join a Neil Diamond tribute band. Truth is, I fell into a deep coma after consuming 15 times the number of calories that would kill a lesser human over the Christmas period. Thanks to an industrial-sized stomach pump and 42 pairs of Spanx, I’m back and ready to roll!

Enough about me: we are here in the 2nd week of the year 2016 Anno Domini to talk as we normally do about the mighty Cairns Taipans. When we left off in 2015 an inconsistent season had seen the defending minor premiers relegated to the dusty part of the ladder cellar. What a difference a couple of games make. After a grinding win against the Wildcats and a regular text book crushing of the Crocs, the Orangemen are knocking on the top 4’s door like an 8-handed, crack-fuelled door-to-door encyclopaedia salesperson. (Note: in the time before time, people used to roam the streets to try and sell ‘books’ filled with ‘information’. Additional note for those born after 2000: A book is a thing made from paper that has printed words on it; it’s a like a flammable 2D computer screen that you can’t log in to.). The margin for error, though, is tiny; in fact it’s smaller than the space left for blood in my arteries after the aforementioned dietary decisions over the festive period. One loss in the remaining games could see us miss out on the big dance, a dance the millions AND MILLIONS of Orange Nation faithful yearn for once more. So of course we face the league’s best in Melbourne United tonight, a tough test indeed, but as the first team to beat them this season the Taipans know what makes them tick and know how to shut them down. They’ll need all the poise and precision on defence that they’ve exhibited recently to get the win.

– Shaun Bruce has been a revelation since Markel Starks’ hamstring injury. Cometh the time cometh the man and Brucey hasn’t disappointed. He’s grabbed the opportunity by the short and curlies, throttled it into submission and made a significant argument to crack the starting 5. Agent Orange has been on the Bruce Express since day 1 and it is outstanding to see him prove to any doubters that he can ball.

– Speaking of opportunity, Torrey Craig has also made the most of things. After cracking the starting 5 in place of an injured Stevie Weigh, the man without gravity has shown his true colours. It’ll be a tough decision for the coaching staff to make when Weigh comes back, but that’s a good problem to have. On Stevie’s injury, I can assure the Weigh’natics that it is knee-related and that his perfect head of hair is 100% ok.

– It’s Wortho’s 300th game tonight. While I may or may not have booed the man for 250+ of his NBL games, there’s no doubt he’s worked his butt off for all 300 and he deserves 300 more. A versatile lock down defender with the ability to score from all around the court, his hunger to win is only matched by a Kardashian’s need to selfie. Agent Orange and Orange Nation salute you, Mr Worthington.


By @KingPodge

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Nat Where You At

Nat Where You At

Basketball Junkie
Basketball junkie living in the real South Beach (Wollongong!). I talk too much about basketball, eat too much bacon and reminisce about the Seattle SuperSonics almost everyday.
Nat Where You At

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